the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
