I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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