But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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