yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize