God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
