Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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