oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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