Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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