do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
