she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm getting married
To pizza
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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