not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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