let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
