Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We are two peas in an std pod
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
