omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
