He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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