I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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