Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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