Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
