Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
