Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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