someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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