sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
