I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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