Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
too bad you live with your parents still
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think my moral compass just broke
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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