Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
