I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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