And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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