you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
