You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
