20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize