I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
