4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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