I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
