How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
