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I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
