office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize