I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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