Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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