jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
