I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
