I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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