just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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