I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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