It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
