we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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