you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
