I think I died a long time ago.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
