so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
