Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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