I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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