mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I love you. Go after that dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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