we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need to calm my uterus...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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