My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
