I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
