FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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