Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
