i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize