If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My ass is underappreciated
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
