You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
