if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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