my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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