just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
