literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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