I think my fart just growled at me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
