end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
