Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
