dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Fuck appropriateness.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
