Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
