Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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