awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
